If I am to describe this world today, the only word for it is "Dark". As taken from Bleeding Heart (something I’m sure any florist or person knowing what it means will surely go ballistic dahil iba yung theme ng Bleeding Heart sa real meaning nia *wahahahahaha "Todo"!!!!*):

Wails
of cities, cries from walls

As
the bleeding souls continue to crawl

Trying
to escape their man-made hell

Each
one with a sad story to tell

Man
against man, will against will

And
fear starts to settle in

Separating
everyone from their human bonds

Severing
every link that ties us as one

That, for me is the world today, a man-eat-man world, a place where you are to trust no one, believe in no one, and love only one *that is yourself*. Sad but that’s how I see it. This is hell… I shouldn’t be saying this but again I’ll repeat my words from a previous entry. We believe that Heaven is above, Hell is in a deepest chasm  beneath, and purgatory is the place between, then, if we always refer to heaven as above, and hell as below, doesn’t it show that the Earth is in the middle? That this is purgatory itself? Illogical. Absurd. Blasphemous. Heretical even (Too much Angel Sanc huh?). But then, this world is where evil and goos meet. A battleground where the war of Heaven continue, but this time, it is man against the evil in himself. Man against his own being.

It’s getting darker each day. I don’t know but for me, everything is getting darker (dang, muntik pangmahuli ni kaa-san blogging…)… People always have something against each other, saying something behind others… Words have now become poison, people, enemies…  Alliances based on good  have become almost non-existent…

It is only now that I realize the weight of that topic. "Leave or Live Here". During those times, I have no idea how to make that into a concrete thing. I had a hard time and I even had to use The End of Eva as my springboard and inspiration. But now I realize it… It is a question that tests a person’s strength and will to live. If you have come to see what this world looks like behind its blues and greens, would you wish to go on or stop? Sink or swim? Leave or live? Hell… Now, those words are even harder to answer because as you go on living, as you continue to realize that this world will do anything and everything to make you bleed, you begin to consider and weigh the choices and the bad part is, the former would always outweigh the other… Leave or live here. I’ve tackled that topic twice two years before but it’s only now that I realize that I’ve been struggling with it ever since Kira knows when. We come across that question in almost everyday of our life, and now, as darkness continue to spread, it will almost be an everyday routine… The world is dark, and with that darkness comes one question, "Leave or Live Here"? As I was writing this earlier I came to think that I, despite of hitting the target twice never answered the question myself, but now, as I end this, I realize that I have answered it, because of all the times I have encountered that question, it’s evident what my choice had been if I’m still blogging right? Now its my turn to ask you… What will be your choice?

In
this world of black and white

Being
ruled by Discord and Strife,

Where
nothing exist save emptiness

For
everyone has been eaten by loneliness

If
man’s existence is something you can manipulate

If
in your hands lay everyone’s fate

Through
all the hurt and through all the pain

Would
you wish to extinguish this life’s flame?

-o0o-

I kept on questioning myself before how come I still can’t break away from those people who have one way or another hurt me. It’s true that I had been a bit distant, deliberately and voluntarily taking a step back, and trying to be indifferent but then I still can’t change the fact that they’re still important to me. I have an answer for myself but a part of me, that part who have nursed all the negative things won’t accept it. But then things changed. I realized that no matter what happened during the years, my reason, my answer is true, that they are still part of my life and that they have contributed in my growth and outweighed whatever damage they’ve caused. They’re still my friends, there’s no question about it… I miss you guys!!!! Hope you can make it through your last hurdle!!!!

      That is the title of the poem I gave to a someone important to me,  I gave it as a tribute to a loss of someone dear not only to the said person, but also to most who knew their story. I decided not to post it, but it seems that I must break that oath, for now there are people who need it more… What follows is an edited version of Say Goodnight, this one is called, Say Goodnight and Sleep tight. here goes…

~Say Goodnight, and Sleep Tight~

Say goodnight, and sleep tight
For soon another day will shine
Say goodnight, and sleep tight
And everything will be alright

The night is deep so take a rest
And Angels will watch over your bed
Have no fear of what tomorrow will bring
Because it will be full of cheer

Say goodnight, and sleep tight
Dream of the times that made you smile
Say goodnight, and sleep tight
For the coming day will be bright

The night will take long I know,
And yet you must have courage to show
So that whilst the dark remains you can go on
Having with you memories to hold

And when I look up at the night sky
I’ll tell the moon to watch you tight
I’ll ask the wind to sing you a song
And request the stars to sing along

So say goodnight,and sleep tight
For soon another day will shine
Say goodnight, and sleep tight
For soon you’ll see the light

~Owari~

if there’s one thing I really love to do, that is to sleep. In times when both body and mind feels weary, sleep is the only medicine that can cure it. It refreshes a person and even takes him/her on a flight to the unknown land of dreams. Sleep is the only time your Erinyes can’t hunt you down (not unless they’re strong enough to penetrate your dreams), where you can do anything, where you can forget everything. Sleep is something I always crave for, that sweet embrace of peace that envelopes one person and lets you float into oblivion… And I wish that I can go under that thick blanket and let everything pass

I’ve recently watched LotR: FotR and once again, old memories flashed by, the days when I struggled to write and speak Elvish (which, unfortunately I have somewhat forgotten),but aside from that, I was also reminded of the Grey Havens that lies in the west, of that ship that takes away the last of the fairest races Middle Earth ever had. The Grey Havens, that ship,, the Sea…  

For so long I though that I’ve lost my  Erinyes, i thought that everything went back to normal, but I was wrong, so hellishly wrong for once again they’ve caught up and are more persistent than ever. Funny, but I really forgot about them, not until I encountered them again. But come to think of it, it’s my own fault that the Erinyes came after me, I made them do that, it was my own choice, ever since. I have lsot them and thought everything’s fine but it was just the calm before the storm and now, I feel like I’m going deeper into hell. Some says hell lay levels/layers, and some, it’s just a dark, botomless pit. Nobody knows the truth, but for me, it’s both, a bottomless dark pit with several layers, each one filled with different plagues. It was Luna Marine who said, "to hell and back", I used to "borrow" that from her but now, i don’t think I can say it anymore… Even the stars grow dim, the moon, hidden in the clouds. Winter is not only the season of joy, like the moon it has another face, a season of darkness, a season of sheer, merciless cold. And now, as winter heightens, so does the darkness, so does the emptiness. Whatever light, whatever warmth that remains needs to endure the  remaining harshness of winter…

-o0o-

I always wondered how the almost perfect world become the loneliest place I’ve ever been to. I’ve been ranting about this for hell knows how long, and  as days passed, the garden becomes less inviting.  The sun sets  and the colors aren’t anymore radiant…

Many people say I’m great, but what I do is so trivial that any person can do it too. In all truth, I see nothing special about the things that I’ve done, all of them are simple,  there’s nothing to brag in them, I don’t see Ranything…

The Moon doesn’t hide from her Child, that’s what I always say and now… That child, that descendant who have the radiance, mystery, and beauty of the Moon has done it again. I could never imagine the power of that child, being able to change things without being present, without even knowing it.  I don’t know how, but I’m glad that it happened, at least now my mind is clearer…

Buh bye!!!!!

~Egao o Misete~
-o0o-

Linsyak Filipino yun ah! Anyways…

They say a picture paints a thousand words, that it captures the essence of the moment but then, it doesn’t depict the reality of that scene. No… The smiles tell a lie, the hugs hide the truth… The broken and shattered pieces of that thing that was once whole was shunned away… No, the lens was mistaken. The disgraced rose has not yet regained its lost dignity especially to the ones hurt by the thorns. From the last I’ve heard, it had struck again, and the casualty increased… The end is drawing near, the garden will be opening again and soon, that rose will be as normal as anything… Can it still compensate for the things it made?

What is weak cannot be fortified , instead, it needs to be strengthened. It’s not the rose’s fault that it is weak, but it’s her fault that she did not acknowledge lest feel that weakness before what happened…

Is it too late?

No…

I believe it’s not too late…

But what to do? That I do not know…